Wishing
by adii1201
Summary: Pregnancy storyline; Season 6; One shot; Song fic


**_Wishing_**

It's been a year since they broke up. She couldn't forget, she couldn't move on. But for some reason he could and he expected her to do the same. She blamed herself for everything that happened, knowing deep down that at first she didn't want to have these babies.

It's been a year and she thought it would help her cop but it hadn't. She missed his touch, the comfort in his arms. She missed his kisses and the way he used to tell her he loves her. She shut him out but she shouldn't have. She needed him now more than anything and for a whole year she lied to herself, saying she's fine without him and that she moved on.

_Sometimes it's a pair of_

_Old faded denim, I know_

_Is gonna fit me like an old friend_

_Or some radio song_

_You can't help but sing along_

_Wishing they'd spin it over and over again_

_Could be the windows down on a Sunday drive_

_Smell of rain on a summer night_

_Anything that brings a little more comfort my way_

_But sometimes_

_There's those times_

_It's gotta be you_

She lied in bed, her head resting on his pillow. She knew the smell was long gone but she could still feel it. She closed her eyes and remembered the fight that ended their marriage.

"_Lynette, please, you have to talk to me! You can't get over this if you won't share!"_

"_I don't want to share! Not with you! You don't even seem to care about them! They're gone Tom, dead! And it's my fault! And all you keep saying is that everything will be alright, but it's not. I don't want to forget, I don't want to move on. I lost my babies!"_

"_But you can't keep living like this! I know it's hard, I get you! You think I'm not sad or hurting, but I am! The only difference is that I moved on with my life and you're still stuck on blaming yourself for this and on that moment when you knew you lost them. It wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could've done to change it! You can only let it all out and then just let it all go, you have no other choice!"_

"_I can't! And I don't want to! And I hate you for not understanding this!"_

"_You hate me?" He stopped, looking at her, broken._

"_Right now, yes I do! I want you to leave, I can't do this anymore" She couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth at that moment but for some reason it felt right then._

_He didn't argue. He packed a bag, not saying a word to her, and just left. She watched him go and did nothing to stop him._

She never told anyone what happened between them. He would stop by every two days to see the kids and as far as she knew he went on with his life, but she hasn't. Every time he came the pain in her heart just wouldn't go away and she wanted so badly to ask him to stay.

_I keep telling myself I'm movin' on_

_But I'm stumblin'_

_Believing my heart was strong enough_

_But now I'm wonderin'_

_But every step I take that leads me away_

_Just circles back to your door_

_Wishing I didn't love you anymore_

"_Lynette?" _He called from downstairs. She didn't notice that it was time to see him again. She got up from bed, fixing her hair a little and then thinking there was no point doing that.

"_Hey. Sorry, I fell asleep" _She smiled weakly at him. _"The kids are on their way, said they missed the bus. They should be here soon" _

Tom nodded, closing the door behind him. She turned away from him, walking to the kitchen. He watched her as she walked away and he wanted so badly to grab her arm and pull her to him but he knew he couldn't.

"_Coffee?" _She called from the kitchen. He nodded and walked over there. He wanted to get the cups but it wasn't his house anymore. She wasn't his anymore.

_I've tried turning to_

_The arms of someone new_

_But I can't seem to fool this fool_

_I've seen closing times_

_With every bottle dry_

_And I've seen days alone in my own room_

_I've asked God and magazines_

_Stacks of books and movie screens_

_Anything to bring a little more comfort my way_

_But sometimes_

_There's those times_

_It's gotta be you_

She reached for the cups but they both fell from her hands, hitting the floor and breaking. _"Shit" _She mumbled and kneeled down to the floor to pick up the broken pieces. Tom kneeled down next to her, helping her and smiling lightly at her. She thought to herself at that moment that she wished more than anything he would pick the pieces of her heart as well. And she knew very well he was the only one who could do it.

As they picked the broken glass from the floor she felt the tears choking her. She didn't want to cry, especially not in front of him. But it was so hard being so close to him yet not being able to be with him.

His hand touched hers slightly and they both looked up at each other, obviously feeling the same thing. But that was enough for her to break and the tears just began running down her cheeks.

_I keep telling myself I'm movin' on_

_But I'm stumblin'_

_Believing my heart was strong enough_

_But now I'm wonderin'_

_But every step I take that leads me away_

_Just circles back to your door_

_Wishing I didn't love you anymore_

He looked at her and he didn't know what to do. She sat on the floor, her hands covering her face, and cried. He wanted to hug her but he didn't know if he should and he wanted to tell her everything's alright but it wasn't. He felt like crying himself, it was way too hard for him being apart from her for so long.

"_Lynette! What's wrong?" _He asked, hoping he wasn't cold.

"_That night that I kicked you out… I spent the entire night wishing I didn't love you as much as I did so this won't hurt this much but I should've wished you'd come back. I can't ever love someone else and I don't want to. And I can't stand it when you come here and we act like we were never together. And I don't know, maybe it's just me who hasn't moved on, and maybe I'm making a total fool out of myself for crying right now because I miss you but I don't care. I need you to know that I haven't been able to breathe without you. I want you back"_

_Of you, give me more_

_I've done everything I can to forget_

_If there is a way I ain't found it yet_

He was so happy to hear her say this. At that moment it was all he ever wanted to hear. He sat down on the floor next to her and pulled her to him. His arms were holding tight to her body and her head rested against his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, his chin resting on her head. She could feel the warmth of his body wrapping around her. The smell she loved so much already covering her. She felt so safe, so calm.

"_You didn't make any fool out of yourself. I've been wanting to tell you the same thing since that day I left but I was just too stupid. Just like I was too stupid not to argue when you kicked me out. I should've fought harder, I shouldn't have let you go. I love you." _

She looked at him, her eyes were filled with tears but a sincere smile was spread across her face. It was the first time since she lost her babies that she actually felt like smiling and it was all thanks to him. And she just realized how stupid she was she let him go. _"I love you too" _She answered back. He kissed her softly tightening his grip around her. They will be alright.

_I keep telling myself I'm movin' on_

_Believing my heart was strong_

_But every step I take that leads me away_

_Just circles back to your door_

_Wishing I didn't love you_

_What I'd give if I could touch you_

_Wishing I didn't love you anymore_

**The End.**


End file.
